MASSIVE content note for discussions of domestic violence in this post.
An ex boyfriend of mine attacked me when we were dating. He pinned me down hard enough to leave my with bruises for a week, he strangled me at one point, he smashed my phone then ran it under a tap so I couldn't call for help, he refused to let me get dressed, he smashed things, he told me to "scream as loud as you want no one can hear you". Eventually he pulled a knife on me.
It was undoubtedly the most terrifying experience of my entire life and I hope nothing ever tops it. To this day I feel lucky to be alive.
He was emotionally and mentally abusive to me for months prior to him attacking me. He was controlling and aggressive and manipulative. That relationship changed me completely. It took a very long time for what happened to really sink in and to really affect me. Every single day I have to live with that, deal with that and try to begin to trust people, particularly men, again. Having someone who supposedly loves you attack you? I can't even explain the ways that fucks with you.
What's more, after I reported it to the police he got let go with just a caution. Leaving me at, if anything, higher risk and him free to do it again and again and again if he chooses.
My experience isn't uncommon. In the UK between 1 - 2 women a WEEK are killed by partners or ex partners. Roughly 1 in 4 women will experienced domestic violence in their lifetime. These experiences are terrifyingly commonplace.
Despite this, despite how obviously fucked up and common this is, people still make domestic violence jokes. Still. And I STILL have to explain to people how fucked up that is.
My experience is not a joke. My experience was life-changing, life threatening and something that will scar me for as long as I live. Domestic violence isn't a joke. Victims never ask for it or deserve it. This is something that kills. Retelling jokes about how so and so deserved it feeds into a culture where this kind of shit doesn't get taken seriously or victims get blamed for bringing it on themselves.
Sometimes I take people up on DV jokes. A lot of the time I'm just not up to it emotionally. I shouldn't have to recount my personal experience for you to understand that it isn't funny. But here I am, hoping some of you might get it a bit more if I do.
So next time you wanna crack a joke about it: just don't.
